tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132562843809628107.post3029381950077466734..comments2023-10-12T02:44:31.738-07:00Comments on People Aren't Broken: Disability from the Inside Out: Is There Disablism in Dating?Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14699094097298471213noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132562843809628107.post-3864219872656351752010-05-01T19:26:02.988-07:002010-05-01T19:26:02.988-07:00Wheelchair Dancer,
I agree there are biological i...Wheelchair Dancer,<br /><br />I agree there are biological impulses we don't understand and that people can use whatever criteria they want to pick a date. I feel like there is something in addition to biology and preference impacting peoples choices because I can't explain the problems disabled folks have with dating with only those two factors. <br />Maybe discrimination was a poor choice of words. I didn't mean it in the legal or systematic sense.Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14699094097298471213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132562843809628107.post-51676377938627975152010-05-01T17:08:26.189-07:002010-05-01T17:08:26.189-07:00I've been with the wizard now for almost 20 ye...I've been with the wizard now for almost 20 years; I'm lucky. From time to time, I wonder what it would be like to date as a disabled person -- I became disabled some years into our relationship. <br /><br />The question of preference vs discrimination is a complicated one: I'm mixed race, queer, and disabled. <br /><br />The way I'd put it is preference would be discrimination if it were systemic or legislative in some way. But because it is individual and connected to biological impulses that we don't fully understand -- if it were only conscious, I think we'd act differently. Biology and genetics are often adduced in strange ways -- we don't name it as such. Individuals are allowed to choose partners on whatever basis we choose.<br /><br />WCDWheelchair Dancerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11981313345401954118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132562843809628107.post-40038197064099478052010-05-01T13:26:43.732-07:002010-05-01T13:26:43.732-07:00Sophy,
Couldn't have said it better myself and...Sophy,<br />Couldn't have said it better myself and you used less words. <br />Since you have given this some thought, I'm curious if you have come up with ways to address it in the broader sense?Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14699094097298471213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132562843809628107.post-10932792740556200102010-05-01T13:23:57.821-07:002010-05-01T13:23:57.821-07:00Welcome everyone! I'm going to address all th...Welcome everyone! I'm going to address all three comments in one large comment. Names at the beginning of each to help differentiate.<br /><br /><br />Adelaide,<br />I think naming the unnamable helps us talk about it in meaningful ways and there is a power in that. I also believe it gives us at least the illusion of having power over it. Also, we as a society tend to like having names for things. This all makes it easer to confront the issue and hopefully make meaningful progress. <br /><br />And, yes, children and our elders have sexuality and sensuality. We're just not suppose to acknowledge it or look at them in those terms. Unfortunate but true in our society at this point in time. <br /><br /><br />Wheelchair Pride,<br />If someone doesn't date a person because of their race, religion, or disability as a result of beliefs about that affiliation which have nothing to do with the person, then yes it's discrimination. Personal preference based on similar religious beliefs, for example, is just personal choice. <br /><br />As I mentioned in my original post, the line between personal preference and socially instilled belief is not clear or exact which makes this hard to talk about in concrete ways. Does my attraction to men taller than me because their hugs feel safer come from my own preferences or something I was taught? Not sure and I think it's impossible to figure out. Dating only women with red hair falls into the category of personal preference. Not even considering someone entirely because of their race seems racist to me. Am I making any sense?<br /><br />Michael,<br /><br />Now that's what I like to hear – the times and ways it works out. Thanks for sharing.Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14699094097298471213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132562843809628107.post-49668970801756037502010-05-01T13:17:07.063-07:002010-05-01T13:17:07.063-07:00It's a tricky one, imo, because there is a dif...It's a tricky one, imo, because there is a difference between "I'm just not attracted to people like X" or "I'm only attracted to people like Y" and "ewwwww! X people are gross and totally undatable!" or "I don't even think of people like Y in that way". The first two ideas are more about preference and the last two are more about discrimination. But it's a blurry line to figure out sometimes... <br /><br />As someone who is newly looking to date again after a long-term relationship ended, and who is more disabled now than when that long-term relationship began, it's something I've been thinking about a lot myself. Good food for thought!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132562843809628107.post-19392166561259659642010-05-01T12:14:29.190-07:002010-05-01T12:14:29.190-07:00I have been on both sides of this quandary, worryi...I have been on both sides of this quandary, worrying I wouldn't get a date, and being hesitant to date women with disabilities. And of course the economics of disability are there to complicate things. I am now married to a person with a disability, and while our relationship is not based on disability, the shared experience of disability is a considerable comfort.Michael Watsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08229008461457577003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132562843809628107.post-39282008572057162772010-05-01T08:52:13.441-07:002010-05-01T08:52:13.441-07:00It is an interestin post, but let me challenge you...It is an interestin post, but let me challenge you on it a bit. I guess you are saying that if somone does not date someone who is disabled that they are a disablist.<br /><br />Then dooes this mean that if someone does not date someone from another race they are racist?<br /><br />Or if they, for example, are Catholic and, for example, do not date Jews they are anti-semetic?RehaDesignhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14795560785114983510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5132562843809628107.post-77248506345199154872010-05-01T02:02:34.288-07:002010-05-01T02:02:34.288-07:00Small children and old ladies have sexuality and s...Small children and old ladies have sexuality and sensuality, too.<br /><br />Yes, it is a fundamental issue.<br /><br />Does naming the Unnameable make it more powerful?Adelaide Duponthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01490123934889071074noreply@blogger.com